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The holiday season’s approaching,

And you know what that means,

Declutter your mind and your household –

It’s time for a really deep-clean.


Shopping bags stuffed in a closet

Are spilling out onto the floor.

Better abandon those old stubs and tickets

To Cher’s final Farewell Tour.


Attack those kitchen cabinets –

Swollen cans are pushing straight through.

You’ve got stuff in there that expired

In 1992.


Roll up your den carpet--

And call Stanley Steamer.

The debris on that runner,

Will ring-toss Santa’s left femur.

The dining room buffet is littered

With withered flowers and deja vu.

No one is buying your excuses--

So stop quoting Maya Angelou.


It’s best to relieve the attic

Of those dusty all-occasion gifts.

Remove that giant old sleigh & reindeer

Before the foundation on your house starts to shift.


If you’re looking to re-gift,

I’ll never tell.

Decades of neglect are over--

You’ve escaped hoarder hell.


Tell your family there's a new game in town --

And pass the holiday torch to your daughter.

Happily escape hosting tired tinseled traditions --

Point your GPS toward the Canadian border.

By Barbara Shields


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