The holiday season’s approaching,
And you know what that means,
Declutter your mind and your household –
It’s time for a really deep-clean.
Shopping bags stuffed in a closet
Are spilling out onto the floor.
Better abandon those old stubs and tickets
To Cher’s final Farewell Tour.
Attack those kitchen cabinets –
Swollen cans are pushing straight through.
You’ve got stuff in there that expired
In 1992.
Roll up your den carpet--
And call Stanley Steamer.
The debris on that runner,
Will ring-toss Santa’s left femur.
The dining room buffet is littered
With withered flowers and deja vu.
No one is buying your excuses--
So stop quoting Maya Angelou.
It’s best to relieve the attic
Of those dusty all-occasion gifts.
Remove that giant old sleigh & reindeer
Before the foundation on your house starts to shift.
If you’re looking to re-gift,
I’ll never tell.
Decades of neglect are over--
You’ve escaped hoarder hell.
Tell your family there's a new game in town --
And pass the holiday torch to your daughter.
Happily escape hosting tired tinseled traditions --
Point your GPS toward the Canadian border.
By Barbara Shields